So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Holy shit dude........stairs
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
