hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
