I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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