He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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