he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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