Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
