He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We are all done wearing pants today
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
