so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
