Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
