Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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