distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
