Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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