Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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