Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
