Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
