I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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