Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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