Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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