He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
