They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
