pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
