Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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