you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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