Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I have post one night stand depression
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
