I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
