Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
