you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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