Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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