I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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