my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
