Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
