when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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