i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I am one with the molecules
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
