i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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