I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
