none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
