Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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