So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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