she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
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