it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
