The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
