So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
