I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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