I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
