are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
