How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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