i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
