why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
