i would punch a child for taco bell
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
