the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
