remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I have feelings that need drinking.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
