you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
