? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
